My son graduated in 2012. He has this really big brain and I know he has always loved me but looked down on me a little for quitting school and having various labor jobs. We've had a crazy past and I've been through so much drama, I didn't think it would ever be over. You never know what the next day will bring but I know it's time to prove myself to myself. Then I will feel the ultimate confidence. Not having a degree has always held me back.
Now that I'm actually enrolled, I know I won't quit (not a quitter!) so eventually I WILL do this! Time WILL happen and I WILL graduate! I've been wanting this for a long time. It's been on my 'bucket list' even though I kept putting it off. I still feel like it has to be done just so and I don't know if I really think of it as FUN but I do consider it exciting. I was worried that I would enroll and feel overwhelmed and quit again.
I'm glad I finally did it. Emily helped a lot because without her, I probably wouldn't have trusted a stranger to get me through this. Besides, I have to 'save face' I keep telling myself. The truth is, I need this to happen for me so that I can be my own person and have the kind of career I have always wanted. It's about time I did something for me.
My fixed mindset also had me wanting to move back to NH after my degree. Thinking- they have a lot less smart, educated people so I have a good chance of getting a great job! But I think I've always known that it's the challenge that I'm after. If not, I would have been content not getting a degree and continuing on as I have. Decent job, but can't take that step forward.
I want to be successful here. In this city. I want to help these people find careers that they love and feel security when they can count only on themselves. It's the most important thing I can do for myself, to feel the satisfaction of helping others find their path.